Is It Okay to Talk to Yourself? A Guide for Life Abroad

You are standing in a German supermarket, muttering "okay, Hafermilch, where are you?" under your breath. Or you are rehearsing a sentence in Dutch before you call the town hall. Then you wonder: is it okay to talk to yourself like this?

Yes, it is. Self-talk is one of the most common human habits, and research shows it can help you focus, stay calm and learn faster. This guide explains why people talk to themselves, how to make your inner voice more helpful and why self-talk is a surprisingly useful tool when you live abroad.

Key Takeaways

Talking to yourself, out loud or in your head, is common and normal.
Research links self-talk to better focus, performance and calmer reactions under pressure.
Using your own name or "you" instead of "I" can help you think more clearly in stressful moments.
Speaking out loud is a practical way to practise a new language.
If your inner voice turns harsh or keeps looping, talking to someone else helps too.

Is It Okay to Talk to Yourself? The Short Answer

So, is talking to yourself a sign that something is wrong? No. Most people do it every day, in their heads or out loud, and it usually helps them think. Sometimes, though, the voice in your head is more critic than coach, and that is worth talking through with another person; BetterHelp offers online psychological counseling, so you can do that with a qualified counselor by video, phone or chat.

Why do so many people feel embarrassed about it, then? Mostly because out-loud self-talk is visible. Inner speech is just as common, but nobody can hear it.

A Very Common Habit

A 2025 study by Schertz, Orvell, Kross and colleagues in Scientific Reports tracked 208 people over two weeks and found that talking to yourself is a common, everyday habit.
People talked to themselves most when planning what to say or do.
In the same study, using "you" or your own name was linked to feeling better in those moments.

Inner and Out-Loud Speech

Psychologists call the voice in your head inner speech. A 2015 review by Ben Alderson-Day and Charles Fernyhough at Durham University on inner speech found that it plays real roles in everyday thinking, such as planning and keeping track of what you are doing. It grows out of the way young children talk to themselves out loud while they play.

Inner speech and out-loud self-talk are two versions of the same tool.
Some people narrate more than others; both are normal.
Speaking out loud tends to slow your thoughts down, which can help with tricky tasks.

A Bigger Habit Abroad

In a new country, almost nothing runs on autopilot, so you talk yourself through more tasks.
Living in a second language means rehearsing sentences before you say them.
Many internationals live alone or spend more time alone in the first months, so self-talk fills some of the quiet.

If you notice you are talking to yourself more since the move, that is a normal response to a lot of new things at once. If the quiet ever feels like too much, BetterHelp can match you with a counselor after a short questionnaire, which gives you someone else to talk to as well.

What Research Says About Talking to Yourself

There is a lot of research on self-talk, and most of it is good news. So what does it do for you? Here are four findings that matter most for daily life.

Sharper Focus on Tasks

A 2012 study by Gary Lupyan and Daniel Swingley, published in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, found that saying an object's name out loud helped people find it faster, such as a familiar product on a supermarket shelf. A separate 2012 study by Kirkham, Breeze and Marí-Beffa at Bangor University found that reading instructions aloud helped people stay focused on their goals while switching between tasks.

Saying "keys, phone, wallet" before leaving the flat is not silly; it helps.
Talking through a recipe or a form step by step keeps you on track.
Naming what you are looking for can speed up a confusing supermarket trip.

This matters more abroad than at home. Packaging, brands and layouts are all new, so your eyes have less to go on. Saying the word out loud gives your brain a clearer target, which is why so many people quietly mutter their shopping list in a foreign supermarket.

Better Performance Under Pressure

Athletes have used self-talk for decades. A 2011 meta-analysis by Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis and colleagues at the University of Thessaly, published in Perspectives on Psychological Science, combined 32 studies and found that self-talk had a moderate positive effect on sports performance. It worked best for precise skills and for new tasks.

Short instructional cues, such as "slow and steady", work well for skills you are still learning.
Motivational phrases, such as "you can do this", help with effort and endurance.
New tasks abroad, from cycling in traffic to a first presentation, are exactly where cues help.

Calmer Reactions, Faster

A 2017 study led by Jason Moser at Michigan State with Ethan Kross found that silently using your own name when reacting to something upsetting calmed the brain's emotional response within about a second. It also took no more mental effort than saying "I".

A small shift in wording can change how a moment feels.
The technique works in your head, so you can use it anywhere.
It is especially useful for the small, frustrating moments that pile up abroad.

Stronger Memory When Reading Aloud

Research from the University of Waterloo by Noah Forrin and Colin MacLeod, released in 2017, found that reading material aloud to yourself gave the best recall of four study methods. The authors suggest that speaking and hearing your own voice together make words stand out in memory.

Read key notes out loud before exams.
Say new vocabulary aloud rather than just reading it.
Explain a topic to yourself as if you were teaching a friend.

How to Talk to Yourself in a Helpful Way

Not all self-talk is equal. "Come on, you've got this" helps; "you idiot, you always mess up" does not. The good news: you can train your inner voice. How? By changing a few habits in how you speak to yourself.

Use Your Own Name

A 2014 study led by Ethan Kross in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on distanced self-talk found, across seven studies with 585 people, that those who used their own name or "you" before a stressful task performed better and felt less distress. They also saw the task as a challenge rather than a threat.

Before a hard call, try: "Ana, you have prepared for this. Say your first sentence and breathe."
The distance makes it easier to give yourself the advice you would give a friend.
It works in your head or out loud.

Give Yourself Instructions

Turn a big, scary task into short spoken steps: "First, find the form. Next, fill in the address."
Instructions focus your attention on what to do, not on how nervous you feel.
This is the same trick athletes use for precise skills.

Instructions are especially useful for admin abroad. A residence permit appointment, a bank form or a tax letter can feel overwhelming as one big task. Broken into spoken steps, each part becomes small enough to start, and starting is usually the hardest part.

Swap Harsh for Kind

Harsh self-talk feels like motivation, but research points the other way. A 2012 study by Juliana Breines and Serena Chen at UC Berkeley on self-compassion found that people who treated a mistake with understanding were more motivated to improve, and studied longer after failing a test.

Catch the harsh line, then rephrase it: "That went badly, and I can learn from it."
Use the tone you would use with a friend in the same situation.
Kind does not mean soft; it means fair and useful.

If you want more practical tools for hard days, our list of a few coping skills is a good place to start.

Ask Questions, Not Verdicts

"Why am I so useless?" has no helpful answer. "What would make this easier next time?" does.
Questions move your mind towards solutions.
If your inner voice keeps getting stuck on the same harsh loop, it can help to say it to someone outside your head. A BetterHelp counselor can talk it through with you by video, phone or chat and help you build practical strategies.

Talking to Yourself to Learn a New Language

This is where self-talk becomes a real advantage abroad. Speaking out loud to yourself is free, private practice with no audience and no judgement. And does it work? A small 2025 study in Brain Sciences by Jiang and colleagues, with 64 Chinese-speaking adults learning English, found that talking quietly to themselves helped them describe pictures in English.

Narrate Your Day

Describe what you are doing in the new language: "I am making coffee. Now I am looking for my keys."
Start with simple sentences and build up as your vocabulary grows.
Narrating makes new words stick, because you use them in context.

You can narrate anywhere: walking to class, cooking dinner or sorting laundry. Nobody needs to hear you. Over a few weeks, you will notice gaps in your vocabulary, which tells you exactly what to look up next, and the words you use daily will start to come without effort.

Rehearse Real Conversations

Practise what you will say before a phone call, a doctor's appointment or a meeting with your landlord.
Say both sides of the conversation, including the questions you expect.
Rehearsal reduces the freeze that often happens in the moment.

Many internationals rehearse before every important call in their first year. It is not a sign of weakness; it is preparation. Our guide to picking up the language has more ideas for everyday practice.

Read Out Loud

Read signs, menus and news headlines out loud when you are alone.
Reading aloud improves pronunciation and memory at the same time.
Record yourself now and then to hear your progress over a few months.

Listening back feels awkward at first, but it shows you clearly how far you have come. A recording from your first month next to one from your sixth often shows more progress than you would ever notice day to day.

Correct Without Criticising

When you make a mistake, say the correct version out loud and move on.
Avoid adding commentary like "I'm terrible at this".
Treat every mistake as one more repetition, not a failure.

The way you talk to yourself about language mistakes shapes how willing you are to keep speaking. If every slip triggers a harsh comment, you will start to avoid speaking, and avoidance slows learning. A neutral correction keeps you practising, which is what actually builds fluency.

Is It Okay to Talk to Yourself All the Time?

Most self-talk is healthy and helpful. But how you talk to yourself matters as much as how often. So when is it worth paying closer attention?

Notice the Tone

Helpful self-talk sounds like a coach: clear, fair and focused on the next step.
Unhelpful self-talk sounds like a critic: harsh, global and stuck on the past.
If most of your inner voice sounds like a critic, that is a pattern worth working on.

Try a simple test for a day. Each time you notice your inner voice, ask whether you would say the same words to a friend. If the answer is often no, you have found a habit to change, and the techniques above, such as using your name or asking questions, are good places to start.

Notice the Loop

Planning out loud is useful; replaying the same worry for hours is not.
If you notice the same thoughts circling, change something physical: walk, cook, call someone.
Writing the thought down can also break the loop and give you some distance.

Loops are common after a move, because there is so much new to process. A worry about a visa form, a strange moment with a colleague or a message you have not answered can replay for hours. Giving the thought a time and a place, such as ten minutes of writing in the evening, often stops it from following you around all day.

Talk to Someone Else Too

Self-talk is a great tool, but it should not be your only conversation. Living abroad can mean long stretches with nobody else to talk to, especially in the first months. Make time for real conversations with friends, flatmates and family, and look for ways of talking to new people in your city.

Share what is on your mind with someone you trust.
A qualified counselor can help when your inner voice feels heavy for weeks.
Getting an outside view often makes your own voice kinder too.

Conclusion

Is it okay to talk to yourself? Absolutely. Self-talk is common, normal and often useful, helping you focus, stay calm under pressure and remember what matters. Abroad, it becomes even more valuable: you can rehearse conversations, practise a new language and talk yourself through unfamiliar tasks.

The key is tone. Use your own name, give yourself clear instructions and swap harsh lines for kind, useful ones. And when your inner voice gets stuck or heavy, talk to someone outside your head as well.

If you need someone to talk to right away, call TelefonSeelsorge in Germany on 0800 1110111, 0800 1110222 or 116 123, or De Luisterlijn in the Netherlands on 088 0767 000.

FAQ

Is it okay to talk to yourself out loud?

Yes. Talking to yourself out loud is common and often helpful. Research links it to better focus, finding things faster and remembering what you read.

Why do I talk to myself more since moving abroad?

A new country means fewer automatic routines and more unfamiliar tasks, often in a second language. Talking yourself through them is a natural way to cope with that extra mental load.

What is the best way to use self-talk?

Use your own name or "you", give yourself short instructions and keep the tone kind and fair. Treat yourself the way you would coach a friend.

Can talking to yourself help me learn a language?

Yes. Narrating your day, rehearsing conversations and reading out loud are free, private ways to practise. They build vocabulary and confidence before real conversations.

When should I talk to someone else instead?

If your inner voice is mostly harsh, or the same worries keep looping for weeks, talk to someone you trust. A qualified counselor can help you find practical strategies and a kinder inner voice.