24 Ways to Get to Know Yourself in a New Country

Moving abroad strips away a lot of the things that used to tell you who you are: your usual friends, your favourite places, the role you played in your family. That can feel unsettling. It is also one of the best chances you will ever get to find out what you actually like, value and want.

Here are 24 practical ways to get to know yourself in a new country, from simple reflection habits to trying new things and learning from the people around you.

How to Get to Know Yourself Through Reflection

Reflection is the simplest place to start. It costs nothing and you can do it anywhere, from a tram seat to a park bench. What does good self-reflection look like? These six habits help.

Think Out Loud With Someone Neutral

Some thoughts only become clear when you say them to another person. A neutral listener, someone outside your social circle, makes it easier to be honest about what you want. BetterHelp offers online psychological counseling, so you can talk things through with a qualified counselor by video, phone or chat from wherever you live. A counselor can help you notice patterns, question old assumptions and work out what really matters to you. People can use sessions not because something is wrong, but because self-reflection can work better with a good listener.

Write Down Your Values

Values are the things that matter most to you: honesty, adventure, family, creativity, security. Writing them down makes them clearer. Research reviewed by Geoffrey Cohen and David Sherman in the 2014 Annual Review of Psychology found that briefly writing about your core values can widen your sense of self, with effects that sometimes last months or years. Pick your top five values and write a few lines on why each matters. Then look at your week: are you spending your time in line with them? The gap between the two often shows you what to change. Keep the list somewhere you will see it, such as the first page of a notebook or a note on your phone, so it stays part of your daily thinking.

Reflect for Fifteen Minutes

You do not need hours to learn about yourself. A study by Giada Di Stefano, Francesca Gino, Gary Pisano and Bradley Staats, reported by Harvard Business School in 2014, found that trainees who spent 15 minutes a day writing reflections scored 22.8% higher on a final test than those who spent the time working. The study was a working paper, not peer-reviewed, but the lesson is useful. Spend fifteen minutes each evening writing about what you learned, what surprised you and what you would do differently.

Notice What Drains You

Pay attention to the activities, people and places that leave you tired or flat. Maybe it is long video calls, crowded bars or a certain kind of work task. In a new country, everything is new, so it is easy to blame your tiredness on the move in general. Getting specific helps. For one week, jot down when you feel drained and what you were doing just before. Patterns appear quickly. Knowing your energy drains lets you plan around them and choose your commitments more carefully. It also helps you explain your needs to others, so you can say no to a plan without guilt when you already know it will leave you empty.

Notice What Energises You

The opposite matters just as much. When do you lose track of time? Which conversations leave you buzzing? Which places make you feel calm? These moments point towards the things that suit you. Abroad, you may discover new sources of energy you never had at home: cycling through a city, a particular kind of café, a sport you had never tried. Write them down when you notice them. Over a few months, your list becomes a map of what makes you feel most like yourself. On a low day, read it and pick one thing from it to do; it is a quick way back to yourself.

Ask Better Questions

The questions you ask yourself shape the answers you get. "Why am I like this?" tends to lead nowhere. "When do I feel most myself?" or "What would I do if nobody was watching?" lead somewhere useful. Keep a short list of good questions and come back to them every few weeks. Your answers will change as you settle in, and those changes tell you something too. Good questions turn vague feelings into clear information you can act on. Write one question at the top of a notebook page each Sunday and answer it in a few honest lines. After a few months, you will have a surprisingly detailed portrait of yourself.

Get to Know Yourself by Trying New Things

You learn a lot about yourself by watching how you react to new experiences, and a new country is full of them. If you want a sounding board for what you discover, a BetterHelp counselor can help you make sense of your reactions and what they say about you. So how do you use novelty to learn about yourself? Try these six ideas.

Say Yes to Something New

New experiences do more than fill your weekends. A 2020 study by Aaron Heller, Catherine Hartley and colleagues in Nature Neuroscience used GPS tracking to show that days with more variety in where people went were linked to more positive mood. Say yes to the class, the trip or the invitation you would normally skip. Notice how you feel before, during and after. Some new things will become part of your life; others will teach you what you do not want, which is just as valuable.

Take a Different Route

Small changes count too. Walk or cycle a different way to work, try a new supermarket or explore a neighbourhood you have never visited. These tiny experiments show you how you respond to the unfamiliar. Do you feel curious or uneasy? Do you enjoy getting a little lost, or do you prefer a plan? There are no right answers. Each reaction is a small clue to your temperament, and small clues add up over time to a clearer picture of who you are. Try one small experiment each week and note how it felt. It is a low-risk way to test parts of yourself you have never had the chance to explore at home.

Travel Solo Once

Travelling alone puts you in charge of every choice: where to eat, when to rest, what to see. Without anyone else's preferences to follow, you quickly learn your own. You may find you love museums but hate crowds, or that you are braver than you thought. A weekend trip to a nearby city is enough to start. If you have never done it, our beginner's guide to travelling solo covers planning, safety and how to enjoy your own company on the road.

Try a Local Tradition

Joining a local tradition, whether a Christmas market, Carnival in Cologne, King's Day in the Netherlands or a village festival, shows you how you respond to a different culture. What do you enjoy? What feels strange? Which traditions from home do you suddenly miss? These reactions show you which parts of your own culture matter most to you, and which you are happy to leave behind. Many internationals find that a new culture helps them see their home culture clearly for the first time. Some realise how much they value long family dinners only once they live somewhere with different habits; others discover they prefer the local way of doing things.

Learn a Skill From Scratch

Starting something new as a complete beginner teaches you how you learn. Are you relaxed about mistakes or frustrated? Do you prefer classes or teaching yourself? Do you need a goal or enjoy the process? Pick something unrelated to your studies or job, such as pottery, a language, climbing or cooking. Being bad at something new is humbling and freeing at the same time. It also reveals how you talk to yourself when things are hard, which is useful self-knowledge.

Notice Your Reactions to Culture

Living in another culture makes your own habits visible. A 2018 study led by Hajo Adam at Rice University, published in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, found that living abroad gave people a clearer sense of self, because they reflected on which parts of themselves were truly theirs and which came from their upbringing. When a local custom surprises or annoys you, ask why. The answer often reveals something about the values you grew up with.

Learning From Time Alone and With Others

You learn about yourself in two very different settings: on your own and with other people. Both matter, and each shows you different things. If what you notice brings up questions you want to explore, BetterHelp matches you with a qualified counselor after a short questionnaire. Here are six ways to learn from both.

Sit With Your Thoughts

Many people find it hard to be alone with their thoughts. In a 2014 study in Science, Timothy Wilson and colleagues at the University of Virginia found that people disliked spending just 6 to 15 minutes alone thinking, and many chose to give themselves a mild electric shock rather than sit idle. Start small. Spend five minutes without your phone, just noticing what comes up. Over time, it gets easier, and you start to hear your own thoughts more clearly. Try it on a bench in a park, on a train without headphones or in the first minutes after you wake up, before you reach for your phone.

Choose Solitude on Purpose

Time alone feels different when you choose it. A 2018 study by Thuy-vy Nguyen, Richard Ryan and Edward Deci at the University of Rochester on chosen solitude found that time alone calmed both strong positive and strong negative feelings, and that choosing solitude brought relaxation and less stress. Plan regular solo time you enjoy: a long walk, a slow breakfast, an afternoon in a museum. Quiet, chosen time alone is often when you notice what you really think and feel.

Ask Friends What They See

Other people can see things in you that you miss. A 2010 study by Simine Vazire at Washington University in St. Louis found that people judged their own inner traits well, but friends were better at judging traits like intellect. Ask two or three people who know you well what they think your strengths are, and when you seem happiest. Their answers may surprise you. Friends who have known you since before the move can also tell you how you have changed, while new friends abroad see the person you are becoming.

Notice Who You Are With Different People

You are slightly different with different people: more playful with some, more serious with others. Abroad, you may also be different in your second language than in your first. Notice these shifts without judging them. Which version of you feels most natural? Which feels like an act? Paying attention to how you behave with different groups shows you which relationships let you be yourself, and which ones you might want to invest in more. Many internationals say they feel funnier or more confident in one language than another, which is a fascinating clue about how language shapes personality.

Pay Attention to Envy

Envy feels uncomfortable, but it also carries useful information. When you feel envious of someone, ask what exactly you envy: their freedom, their confidence, their social life, their career? The answer often points to something you want for yourself. Instead of dwelling on the feeling, turn it into a question: what is one small step towards that? Used this way, envy becomes a compass rather than a burden, and it tells you a lot about your real goals.

Listen to Feedback at Work

Feedback at work or university is not only about performance. It also tells you how you come across to others, which strengths stand out and where you struggle. In Dutch and German workplaces, feedback can be direct, which makes it clearer. Instead of reacting defensively, write down what people say and look for patterns over time. If several people mention the same strength, believe them. If several mention the same gap, it is worth exploring. Keep a simple file of the feedback you receive, positive and critical. Read it back every few months to see which themes keep coming up.

How to Get to Know Yourself Over Time

Self-knowledge is not a one-off discovery. You keep changing, especially in your twenties and early thirties. So how do you keep learning about yourself as the years go by? These final six habits help.

Expect to Keep Changing

Most people underestimate how much they will still change. In a 2013 study in Science, Jordi Quoidbach, Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson surveyed more than 19,000 people aged 18 to 68. People of every age said they had changed a lot in the past decade but expected to change little in the next one. They called this the end of history illusion. Knowing about it helps you hold your current self lightly. Who you are today is not who you will be in five years.

Remember You Are Still Growing

Personality is not fixed. A 2006 meta-analysis by Brent Roberts, Kate Walton and Wolfgang Viechtbauer in Psychological Bulletin found that traits such as conscientiousness and stability tend to grow through adulthood, especially between the ages of 20 and 40. That is exactly the age range of most people who move abroad. If you feel like a work in progress, that is because you are, and moving abroad often speeds up the process.

Revisit Your Values Each Season

Your values may shift as you settle into a new life. Every three months or so, look back at the values list you wrote and ask whether it still fits. Perhaps adventure mattered most when you arrived, and now stability matters more. That shift is not a failure; it is growth. Revisiting your values regularly keeps your choices aligned with who you are now, not who you were when you packed your suitcase.

Write a Yearly Letter

Once a year, perhaps on the anniversary of your move, write a letter to yourself. Describe what you have learned, what has surprised you and what you hope for next year. Seal it and read it a year later before writing the next one. Over time, these letters become a record of how you have grown. They show you patterns that are invisible day to day, and they often remind you how far you have come. They also make a lovely ritual for the anniversary of your move, a quiet moment to mark how much your life has changed since you arrived.

Look for Self-Concept Clarity

Psychologists call a clear, steady sense of who you are self-concept clarity. Jennifer Campbell and colleagues at the University of British Columbia defined it in a 1996 paper on self-concept clarity as how clearly, consistently and stably you see yourself. You can notice it in daily life: do your choices feel like your own? Can you describe what you value without hesitating? If the answers are not clear yet, that is normal after a move. The practices in this list are ways of building that clarity over time.

Give the Process Time

Getting to know yourself is a lifelong project, not a weekend task. Some insights arrive suddenly; others take years. Give yourself time, and do not expect a neat answer to "who am I?". As you move into the next chapter, whether that is a new job or life after graduation, keep reflecting, trying new things and listening to the people around you. The more honest attention you give yourself, the clearer the picture becomes.

Conclusion

Learning how to get to know yourself abroad starts with reflection: writing down your values, spending fifteen minutes a day on reflection and noticing what drains and energises you. Trying new things, from solo trips to local traditions, shows you how you react to the unfamiliar.

Time alone and time with others both teach you something, and self-knowledge keeps growing as you change.

If you need someone to talk to right away, call TelefonSeelsorge in Germany on 0800 1110111, 0800 1110222 or 116 123, or De Luisterlijn in the Netherlands on 088 0767 000.

FAQ

How do I get to know myself better?

Write down your values, reflect for fifteen minutes a day, notice what drains and energises you, try new experiences and ask people you trust what they see in you.

Why does moving abroad help you know yourself?

Living in a new culture makes your own habits and values visible. Research suggests living abroad can give people a clearer sense of who they are.

How do you know yourself when everything is new?

Pay attention to your reactions to new experiences, people and customs. Each reaction is a small clue about your preferences, values and temperament.

Is it normal to feel unsure of who I am after a move?

Yes. A move removes many of the familiar things that shape your identity. That uncertainty is common, and it is also a chance to rebuild your sense of self on purpose.

Can talking to a counselor help with self-reflection?

Yes. A qualified psychological counselor can help you notice patterns, question old assumptions and work out what matters to you, without judgement.