How to Get Rid of Fear of Missing Out When You Live Abroad

Your best friend's birthday dinner is happening tonight, 1,500 kilometres away. The group chat is full of photos. Your cousin got engaged last week and you watched it on a video call. Meanwhile, you are eating pasta alone in a studio in Utrecht, wondering whether you made the right choice.

That uneasy pull has a name: fear of missing out, or FOMO. When you live abroad, it can come from two directions at once. This guide explains what FOMO is, why it hits internationals so hard and how to get rid of fear of missing out without cutting yourself off from the people you love.

Key Takeaways

Fear of missing out is the worry that others are having rewarding experiences without you.
Living abroad can bring FOMO from both directions: life back home and life in your new city.
Research links frequent FOMO with heavier social media use and lower satisfaction with life.
Phone boundaries, choosing what you show up for and building your own milestones all help.
If FOMO keeps weighing on you, talking it through with a qualified counselor can help.

What Is the Fear of Missing Out Abroad?

What is the fear of missing out, exactly? Researchers describe it as a worry that others are having rewarding experiences without you, combined with an urge to stay constantly connected to what they are doing. If that pull is wearing you down, BetterHelp offers online psychological counseling, so you can talk it through with a qualified counselor by video, phone or chat.

Abroad, FOMO tends to show up in a few specific ways. Here are the four most common.

Two Lives at Once

Your old life keeps moving: birthdays, weddings, new jobs, new babies.
Your new life is still forming, so it can feel thinner by comparison.
You can feel like you are missing out in both places at the same time.

This double pull ranks among the most tiring parts of living abroad. It is also very common, and it usually eases as your new life fills up.

The Always-On Feed

A 2013 study by Andrew Przybylski and colleagues at the University of Essex, published in Computers in Human Behavior, surveyed 2,079 people in the UK. FOMO was highest among younger people, and it was linked to lower mood, lower life satisfaction and more social media use, including checking within 15 minutes of waking up or going to sleep.

Morning and late-night scrolling can set the tone for your whole day.
Group chats from home keep events in your pocket all day.
Seeing everything in real time makes distance feel bigger.

Milestones From a Distance

Phones and social media let families follow each other's lives every day. Research by Mirca Madianou at Goldsmiths, University of London, on ambient co-presence, published in 2016, found that this constant background awareness can reassure people, but in strained relationships it can also feed tension.

Seeing milestones online can bring you closer and make you feel further away at the same time.
Missing the big moments in person is one of the hardest parts of life abroad.
Planning how you will take part, even from a distance, helps.

Missing Out Where You Are

FOMO is not only about home; it can also be about your new city.
Other internationals seem to be at every party, trip and event.
You can feel like you are not making the most of your time abroad.

A 2018 study of first-year university students by Marina Milyavskaya and colleagues in Motivation and Emotion found that FOMO was common, rose later in the day and the week, and was especially strong while people were doing things they had to do, such as studying or working. More frequent FOMO came with more tiredness, stress and less sleep.

Why FOMO Hits Internationals So Hard

Everyone feels FOMO sometimes. But internationals face a particular mix of time zones, distance and pressure to make the most of every moment. Why does it feel so sharp? If you recognise yourself here, a BetterHelp counselor can help you sort through it and find a balance that fits your life.

Time Zones and Timing

Big moments at home often happen during your working day or late at night.
Joining by video can feel like watching through a window.
You may miss spontaneous plans because the timing never works.

Time zones also shape how you feel during the day. Messages from home might arrive while you are in a lecture or asleep, so you wake up to a flood of photos from a night you missed. Turning off notifications at night and catching up at a set time can make this feel calmer.

Passive Scrolling

Research led by Philippe Verduyn and Ethan Kross, published in 2015, found that passive scrolling, browsing without posting or chatting, lowered how good people felt over time, because it increased envy. When the feed is full of friends at home and other internationals on trips, it is easy to scroll yourself into feeling left out.

Active use, such as messaging and calling, tends to feel better than scrolling.
Notice how you feel after ten minutes on an app.
Swap some scrolling for a direct message to someone you miss.

Big Events Back Home

Weddings, funerals and family celebrations are hard to miss.
Flights are expensive and time off is limited.
Choosing which events to travel for can feel like choosing between people.

There is no perfect answer here. Most internationals end up with a rough rule, such as travelling home for weddings and milestone birthdays but not every holiday. Having a rule makes each decision less painful, and it helps family understand your choices.

Pressure to Do It All

Living abroad comes with an unspoken expectation to make the most of it: every festival, every city, every weekend trip. Lists of live events and destinations can be inspiring, but they can also make an ordinary weekend feel like a wasted one.

You do not have to see everything to have a good life abroad.
Rest and routine are part of living somewhere, not a failure to make the most of it.
The best experiences are often small and local.

How to Get Rid of Fear of Missing Out Abroad

You cannot be everywhere, and you do not need to be. The aim is not to stop caring but to care in a way that does not drain you. For some people, a regular conversation with a BetterHelp counselor, booked as video, phone or chat sessions, can provide a space to sort out what matters most. So what else helps? Here are five habits that make a real difference.

Set Phone Boundaries

A 2018 study by Melissa Hunt and colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania found that students who limited social media to about 30 minutes a day for three weeks felt less lonely.

Set daily limits on the apps that leave you feeling worst.
Mute group chats during work and in the hour before bed.
Avoid checking feeds in the first and last 15 minutes of your day.

Phone boundaries do not mean cutting people off. They mean choosing when you connect, so it feels good rather than compulsive. Our guide to social media rules for students has more ideas for healthier habits.

Keep Phones Off the Table

A 2018 study by Ryan Dwyer and Elizabeth Dunn at the University of British Columbia found that having phones on the table during meals with friends and family made people enjoy the time less and feel more distracted.

Keep your phone in your bag when you are with people.
Be fully present at the dinner you are at, not the one you are missing.
Check the group chat afterwards, when you can enjoy it properly.

Choose What You Show Up For

Decide in advance which events at home you will travel for, such as weddings and milestone birthdays.
Accept that you cannot attend everything, and let people know early.
Put your energy into the events you choose, rather than worrying about the rest.

Making these choices on purpose takes some of the sting out of missing the others. It turns a constant low-level worry into a plan.

Join In From a Distance

Send a voice note, a video message or a small gift for big occasions.
Ask someone to video-call you for a toast or a speech.
Plan your own small celebration at the same time, with friends where you live.

These small gestures matter more than they seem. A recorded toast played at a wedding, or a parcel that arrives on the day, tells people you are thinking of them, and it gives you an active way to take part rather than watching from the sidelines.

Plan Trips Home Wisely

Plan visits around the people and moments that matter most to you.
Leave unscheduled time, so a trip home does not become a rushed tour.
Remember that you will not see everyone every time, and that is okay.

Trips home can bring their own kind of FOMO, because you feel you are missing your new life too. Short, well-planned visits often feel better than long ones packed with obligations.

Building a Life You Do Not Want to Miss

The strongest antidote to FOMO is a life where you are that you genuinely enjoy. When your days abroad are full of people and moments you value, the pull of everywhere else gets weaker. So how do you build that?

Invest in Local Friendships

Build a few close friendships where you live, not just a wide circle of acquaintances.
Regular contact matters more than big nights out.
Our guide to building a local social life has practical starting points.

Create Your Own Milestones

Mark your own moments: your first year abroad, a new job, a language level, a new flat.
Celebrate them with people where you live, and share them with people at home.
Your milestones deserve as much attention as anyone else's.

Sharing your own milestones with people at home also helps them feel part of your life abroad. It turns the flow of news into a two-way exchange, rather than you watching their lives from a distance.

Enjoy Quiet Weekends Too

Not every weekend needs to be an adventure.
A slow Sunday in your neighbourhood is part of a good life abroad.
Notice what you enjoy about ordinary days, and do more of it.

Ordinary days are where a sense of home grows. The bakery that knows your order, the park you walk through, the neighbour who says hello; these small things are what make a place feel like yours.

Say Yes Selectively

Say yes to the invitations that genuinely appeal, not to every one out of fear.
Saying no to some things gives you energy for the ones you care about.
Missing a party is fine if you spent the evening doing something you enjoy.

There is a growing idea of "the joy of missing out": choosing to stay in because you want to, not because you feel left out. Done for the right reasons, it can be a healthy way to recharge.

When the Fear of Missing Out Lingers

For most people, FOMO comes and goes. For some, it becomes a constant background feeling that makes it hard to enjoy life abroad. How do you know when it is worth paying closer attention?

Notice the Pattern

If you spend most evenings scrolling and feeling worse, notice it.
If FOMO keeps you awake or makes you question your move for weeks, take it seriously.
Ask whether the feeling is about specific events or a broader sense of not belonging.

The answer points to different solutions. Missing particular events can often be eased with better planning and phone boundaries. A broader sense of not belonging usually needs time, connection and sometimes an outside view.

Talk to Someone

Share how you feel with friends at home; they may miss you more than you think.
Talk to other internationals, who often feel exactly the same.
A qualified psychological counselor can help you untangle the feeling and build practical strategies.

Missing people at home is part of living abroad, and it often overlaps with homesickness. Our guide to missing people at home while you study abroad has more ideas for those days.

Give It Time

FOMO is often strongest in the first year, when your new life is still taking shape.
As friendships, routines and favourite places grow, it usually eases.
Be kind to yourself in the meantime; you are building something new.

One day, you may notice that a photo from home makes you smile rather than ache, because you are busy with a life you love where you are. That shift rarely happens overnight, but it does happen.

Conclusion

Fear of missing out is the worry that others are having rewarding experiences without you, and living abroad can bring it from two directions at once. Always-on feeds, time zones and the pressure to do everything all make it sharper.

Learning how to get rid of fear of missing out starts with phone boundaries, being present where you are and choosing which events you show up for. Building local friendships, celebrating your own milestones and enjoying quiet weekends make your life abroad something you would not want to miss.

If you need someone to talk to right away, call TelefonSeelsorge in Germany on 0800 1110111, 0800 1110222 or 116 123, or De Luisterlijn in the Netherlands on 088 0767 000.

FAQ

What is the fear of missing out?

Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is the worry that others are having rewarding experiences without you, combined with an urge to stay connected to what they are doing.

How do I get rid of fear of missing out when I live abroad?

Set limits on social media, keep your phone away when you are with people, choose which events at home you will travel for and build a life where you are that you enjoy.

Does social media make FOMO worse?

Research links FOMO with heavier social media use, and passive scrolling has been linked to feeling worse over time. Active use, such as messaging and calls, tends to feel better.

Is it normal to feel FOMO about both home and my new city?

Yes. Many internationals feel they are missing out in both places, especially in the first year. It usually eases as your new life fills up.

When should I talk to someone about FOMO?

If FOMO keeps you awake, makes you question your move for weeks or stops you enjoying daily life, talk to someone you trust or a qualified counselor.