30 Dating Questions to Ask When You Are New to a Country

You matched, you messaged, and now you have a date on Saturday. The only problem is that you moved here four months ago, your small talk in the local language is shaky and you are not sure how dating works in this country. What do you even talk about?

The good news is that good questions travel well. A strong question shows curiosity, gives the other person room to talk and helps you both find out quickly if there is something there. Here are 30 dating questions to ask when you are new to a country, from easy first-date openers to the conversations that matter once things get serious.

Light Dating Questions to Ask on a First Date

First dates in a new country can feel like an exam you did not study for. Nerves are normal, and they often have less to do with the date than with everything else that is new. Sometimes dating nerves are part of a bigger sense of being unsettled since the move. BetterHelp offers online psychological counseling with qualified counselors by video, phone or chat, which can help you work out what is really weighing on you. For the date itself, start light. These six questions are easy to answer and open the door to better ones.

What Brought You to This City?

This is the natural opener when one or both of you are newcomers, and it works just as well if your date grew up here. A person who moved for a job, a degree or a partner has a story, and a local has opinions about why anyone would choose their city. Listen for the details: the course they nearly did not apply for, the company that took a chance on them, the friend who talked them into it. Those details give you your next question. Avoid turning it into a job interview; one follow-up is curiosity, five in a row is an interrogation.

What Does a Perfect Weekend Look Like?

A weekend tells you more about someone than a job title does. Some people spend Saturday on a bike with a picnic, others at a flea market, others asleep until noon and proud of it. The answer shows you how they like to spend their energy and gives you ideas for a second date. It also works as a gentle check on compatibility without sounding like one. If your perfect weekend involves hiking at 7am and theirs involves a late brunch, that is useful to know early, and it is usually something you can laugh about together.

What Is the Best Thing You Have Eaten Here?

Food is one of the easiest topics on a first date because everyone has an opinion and nobody gets defensive. For two internationals, it is also a shared experience of discovery: the first stroopwafel, the first proper bakery, the local dish that took three attempts to like. A local date gets to play guide and recommend places you have not found yet. Ask what they miss from home, too, and you may learn about a whole cuisine. At worst, you end the evening with a list of restaurants to try, which is not a bad outcome for an hour of conversation.

Which Neighbourhood Feels Most Like You?

Every city has neighbourhoods with distinct personalities: the student area, the quiet residential streets, the district full of bars and galleries. Asking which one feels most like your date invites them to describe themselves without the awkwardness of a direct "tell me about yourself". Someone who loves the busy market streets probably enjoys energy and people; someone who loves the canal-side quiet may prefer slower evenings. You also learn where they spend their time, which helps you plan a second date somewhere they will actually enjoy. Share your own answer, even if you are still working it out.

What Are You Into Right Now?

Hobbies change, especially after a move, so "what are your hobbies" can fall flat. "What are you into right now" is more open. It might be a series, a sport, a language app streak, a new cooking project or an exhibition they cannot stop thinking about. Many internationals pick up new interests abroad because a city makes them easy and affordable; museum passes and student discounts are a big part of why. The answer tells you what currently lights them up, which is a better guide to who they are now than what they did at 16.

What Was the Last Thing That Made You Laugh?

Humour is personal, and it does not always survive translation. Asking what made someone laugh recently is a low-pressure way to find out how they see the world. It also tends to produce a story, and stories are the backbone of good first-date conversation. You might hear about a mix-up at the supermarket, a meme from a group chat or a colleague who mispronounced something in the best possible way. If you share a sense of humour, you will know within minutes. If you do not, you will at least have heard a funny story, and you will probably laugh anyway.

Dating Questions to Ask About Life Abroad

When you are both new to a country, or one of you is, life abroad is a rich topic. It is also a sensitive one. Talking about home can bring up homesickness, for your date and for you. If the move still feels heavy, speaking with a counselor on BetterHelp is one practical way to make sense of it. Dating then feels less like a test of how well you have settled in. These six questions help you understand someone's experience of the move without making it the whole evening.

How Long Have You Lived Here?

It sounds basic, but the answer changes the whole conversation. Someone who arrived last month is still in the excitement of discovery or the shock of paperwork. Someone who has lived here eight years may feel more local than international, with friends, routines and a strong opinion about the best bakery. Knowing where your date sits on that timeline helps you pitch the rest of your questions. It also gives you something to bond over: the first weeks abroad are oddly similar for almost everyone, whichever country you came from, and comparing notes is a quick way to feel closer.

What Surprised You Most About This Country?

This question invites a story, and it often reveals what a person values. One date might be surprised by how direct people are; another by how early shops close on Sunday; another by how much everyone cycles in the rain. Their answer shows what they notice and how they react to the unfamiliar. Do they find the differences funny, frustrating or fascinating? If you are new too, share your own surprises and compare. If your date is local, ask what they think newcomers get wrong about their country, which tends to produce honest and entertaining answers.

What Do You Miss From Home?

This question goes a little deeper, so save it for when the conversation is flowing. People miss very different things: family, a particular food, the weather, a language, a sense of humour, the ease of knowing how everything works. The answer tells you what home means to them and what they are still carrying. Listen without trying to fix anything. If your date gets wistful, it is fine to sit with it for a moment before moving on. Sharing what you miss in return builds trust, because you are both admitting that life abroad is not all highlights.

Which Local Habit Have You Picked Up?

Most internationals pick up local habits without noticing. You start eating dinner at 6pm or 10pm, you bring your own bag everywhere, you stop jaywalking, you say "lekker" or "genau" more than you would like to admit. Asking about this is playful and shows how someone is adapting. It is also a good question for a local date: ask which habits they have noticed in internationals, or which of their own habits newcomers find strange. The answers are usually funny, and they give you a shared joke you can return to on later dates.

How Is the Language Going?

Language is a huge part of life abroad, and most people have a story about it. Some are fluent, some are three months into an app, some have given up and live happily in English. Ask without judgement and share your own progress. If you are thinking about learning Dutch or German, a date who speaks it may be able to recommend a course or a conversation group. If your date is local, ask them to teach you one phrase you will actually need. It is a small exchange, but it is fun, and it builds a little shared vocabulary.

Where Do You See Yourself Living Long Term?

This is a practical question that matters more for internationals than for most daters. Many people abroad are on a contract, a study programme or a visa with an end date. Others have decided to stay for good. You do not need to plan your future on a first date, but knowing whether someone sees this city as home or as a chapter helps you set expectations. Ask it lightly: "Do you think you will stay here?" works well. If your answers differ, that is not a dealbreaker; it is something worth knowing early.

Deeper Questions to Get to Know Someone

Once the small talk has done its job, deeper questions are how you find out whether there is a real connection. In Aron's 1997 study, pairs of strangers who spent 45 minutes answering questions that became gradually more personal felt closer than pairs who made small talk. Opening up can feel harder in a second language or a new culture. If it is something you struggle with in all your relationships, counseling sessions online through BetterHelp can give you space to explore why. These six questions take things a step deeper, gently.

What Would Your Ideal Day Look Like?

A version of this question appears in the Aron study, and it works because it is both easy and revealing. Someone describing their ideal day tells you what they value: time with people or time alone, adventure or comfort, work they love or a total break from it. Encourage detail. What would they eat? Who would be there? Where would they wake up? Many internationals include something from home in their answer, which can open a whole new thread. It also gives you clues for future dates, if things go well, because you will know what a good day means to them.

What Are You Most Grateful For Right Now?

Gratitude questions sound serious, but they usually produce warm, honest answers. Your date might mention a supportive friend, a job they love, a sibling who visits or simply the fact that they made the move at all. The answer shows you what matters to them and how they view their own life. It also shifts the mood of a conversation in a positive direction, which is useful if the evening has drifted into complaints about rent or bureaucracy. Answer it yourself, too. Many people find that saying what they are grateful for out loud moves them more than they expect.

Which Friendship Has Shaped You Most?

Friendships say a lot about a person, and asking about one that shaped them is a respectful way to learn about their past. Your date might talk about a childhood best friend, a roommate who became family or a colleague who changed their career. For internationals, this question often leads to a conversation about distance and how hard it is to keep old friends close, and about building local friendships from scratch. Listen for how they talk about the people in their life. Warmth and loyalty towards friends are good signs in a partner.

What Have You Always Wanted to Try?

Ask about a dream, a skill or an adventure they keep putting off. It might be learning to surf, running a marathon, starting a business, visiting a particular country or finally taking a pottery class. The answer reveals ambition and curiosity, and it shows what someone would do with more time or confidence. It can also become a shared project. If you both want to try climbing, a climbing gym makes a great third date. Be encouraging rather than practical; this is a question about possibility, not a chance to explain why their plan will not work.

How Close Are You to Your Family?

Family relationships vary hugely across cultures and individuals, so ask this with real curiosity and no assumptions. Some people call their parents every day; others see them once a year and are happy with that. For internationals, distance adds a layer: time zones, flights home, guilt about missed birthdays. The answer helps you understand how your date's family fits into their life and what they might expect from a partner. Share your own situation honestly. If your family is complicated, you do not need to explain everything on a second date; a simple, honest sentence is enough.

What Does Home Mean to You Now?

This is one of the deepest questions for anyone living abroad, and it often has a surprising answer. For some, home is still the country they grew up in. For others, it is wherever their partner, their friends or their cat is. Some say they feel at home in two places, or in none. Asking what home means shows that you understand the complexity of life between countries. Leave plenty of room for silence while they think. You may find that your own answer has changed since you moved, and talking about it can be a moment of real connection.

Questions About Culture and Values

Dating someone from a different background is common in the countries many internationals move to. Statistics Netherlands reported in 2018 that almost half of couples with a Surinamese background include a partner with a Dutch background. More than half of Romanians in a couple have a Dutch partner. In Germany, Destatis data shows 17,891 marriages between a German woman and a foreign man in 2025, and 21,895 between a German man and a foreign woman. These six questions help you understand each other's background without assumptions.

How Did Your Family Show Affection?

People learn how to give and receive affection in the families they grow up in, and those habits vary a lot across cultures. In some families, love is loud: hugs, kisses, constant calls. In others, it is quiet: practical help, a cooked meal, a lift to the station. Asking about this helps you understand how your date might express care, and stops you misreading their signals. Someone who rarely says "I love you" may show it in other ways. Share your own family's style, too. It is a gentle way to talk about what each of you needs without making it heavy.

What Does a Good Relationship Look Like to You?

Ideas about relationships differ between cultures and between people from the same town. Some expect to meet each other's families quickly; others keep things private for months. Some split everything equally; others share by different rules. Instead of guessing, ask what a good relationship looks like in your date's eyes, and where that picture came from. You are not looking for a perfect match. You are looking for an honest answer and a willingness to talk about cultural differences openly, which matters far more over time than agreeing on everything.

How Do You Like to Celebrate Holidays?

Holidays reveal traditions, family ties and priorities. One person might fly home for every Christmas, Diwali or Eid; another might happily spend it with friends abroad. Some love Valentine's Day; others think it is a commercial invention. Ask what holidays mean to your date and how they like to celebrate them. It is a light question that touches on something important: where they spend significant days, and how they might want to share them with a partner. If you celebrate different holidays, it can be exciting to learn each other's traditions instead of choosing one over the other.

Who Usually Pays Where You Are From?

Money on a date is one of the most common sources of cross-cultural confusion. In some places one person is expected to pay; in others, splitting the bill down to the last euro is the norm. Rather than guessing and creating awkwardness at the end of the evening, ask about it with a smile. It shows that you are thoughtful, and it often leads to a funny conversation about expectations back home. The aim is not to set rules but to understand each other, so neither of you feels taken for granted or embarrassed.

How Do You Handle Disagreements?

This sounds like a serious question for an early date, but you can ask it lightly: "Are you someone who talks things out straight away, or do you need time to think?" Different cultures and families handle conflict in very different ways. Some people are direct and want to resolve things immediately; others go quiet and need space. Knowing your date's style helps you avoid misunderstandings later. It also shows maturity, because you are thinking about how you would work through something together. Share your own approach honestly, including the parts you are still working on.

Which Traditions Would You Want to Keep?

Living abroad often makes people think harder about their traditions, because they no longer happen automatically. Ask your date which traditions, foods, rituals or values from home they would want to keep in their future, wherever they live. The answer might be a holiday meal, a language they want to pass on, a weekly call with family or a way of welcoming guests. It tells you what is central to their identity. If you are dating across cultures, this question helps you imagine how two sets of traditions could sit side by side in one shared life.

Dating Questions to Ask Before Things Get Serious

After a few dates, if you both want to keep seeing each other, the questions change. Research from Harvard in 2017 (Huang and colleagues) found that in speed dating, the people who asked the most questions, especially follow-up questions, got more second dates. Curiosity keeps paying off later on. These six questions help you understand where things are heading, which matters even more when one of you might not stay in the country.

What Are You Looking for Right Now?

This is the clearest question on the list, and it saves a lot of confusion. Some people abroad want something casual while they settle in; others want a long-term partner and are open about it. Neither is wrong, but it helps to know. Ask kindly and without pressure: "What are you looking for at the moment?" Then share your own answer honestly. If your answers are different, it is better to find out after three dates than after three months. If they are similar, you can relax and enjoy getting to know each other without guessing.

How Do You Feel About Long Distance?

For internationals, this is not a hypothetical question. Contracts end, visas expire, jobs move and families need people back home. Asking how your date feels about long distance is a realistic way to understand how they handle change. Some people have done it successfully and would again; others know it is not for them. You do not need to make any decisions now. You are learning how they think about commitment and distance, which is valuable information when your lives might not stay in the same city.

How Much Time Do You Need on Your Own?

Everyone needs a different balance between time together and time alone. Some people want to see a partner most evenings; others need several nights a week to themselves to recharge. Asking about this early prevents a lot of hurt feelings later, when one person feels neglected and the other feels crowded. It is also a sign of respect, because you are acknowledging that your date has a life outside the relationship. Be honest about your own needs. Living abroad can make some people want more company and others want more space, and both are fine.

How Do You Like to Be Supported?

Hard days happen, especially abroad, where a visa delay or a bad week at work can feel heavier without family nearby. People like to be supported in different ways. Some want to talk it through, some want a distraction, some want practical help and some want to be left alone for an evening. Asking how your date likes to be supported shows care and saves you from guessing wrong. Share your own preferences, too. Some people also find it useful to talk things through with a counselor, so that a partner is not the only source of support.

What Would Make You Stay in This Country?

This question is a gentler way of asking about the future. For some, the answer is a job, a community or simply the quality of life. For others, it might be a relationship. Listen without pressure; you are not asking them to stay for you. You are learning what roots look like for them and what would make them feel at home here. The answer helps you understand whether your futures could fit together, and it often leads to a hopeful conversation about what you both want from life abroad.

What Are You Looking Forward to This Year?

End on something positive. Ask your date what they are excited about in the coming months: a trip, a new job, a family visit, a festival, a personal goal. It shows what gives them energy and hope. It also opens the door to plans you could share, if things go well. If your date is looking forward to spring markets, a summer festival or finally speaking the language confidently, you might be part of it. A question about the future, asked in a light way, leaves both of you with a good feeling at the end of the evening.

Conclusion

The best dating questions to ask when you are new to a country are simple and curious: what brought someone here, what surprised them, what they miss and what they would keep. Research suggests that asking more questions, and especially follow-ups, makes people like you more, and that gradually more personal conversations build closeness between strangers.

Start light, go deeper when the moment feels right, and save the serious questions for when you both want to keep seeing each other.

If you need someone to talk to right away, call TelefonSeelsorge in Germany on 0800 1110111, 0800 1110222 or 116 123, or De Luisterlijn in the Netherlands on 088 0767 000.

FAQ

What are good dating questions to ask on a first date?

Start with light, open questions: what brought them to the city, what a perfect weekend looks like, the best thing they have eaten here and what they are into right now.

How many questions should you ask on a date?

There is no fixed number, but 2017 Harvard research found that people who asked more questions, especially follow-ups, got more second dates. Listen closely and ask about what they share.

What should you ask someone from a different culture?

Ask how their family showed affection, what a good relationship looks like to them, how they celebrate holidays and which traditions they want to keep. Ask with curiosity, not assumptions.

Are deep questions too much for a first date?

Not if you build up gradually. A 1997 study found that strangers who answered gradually more personal questions felt closer than those who made small talk. Start light and go deeper slowly.

What if dating in a new country makes me nervous?

That is very common when everything around you is new. Start with relaxed settings and easy questions. If the nerves are part of a bigger sense of being unsettled, talking it through with a qualified counselor can help.